The Great Times In 2012!

As this is my last blog post for 2012 I thought I would focus less on the fertility issues we have faced, and more on the great key moments from the year.

Here are a collection of photos I love from 2012!

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and given me support throughout a challenging year. I love you all and wish you all an amazing 2013!

Extra special New Year baby dust to all xxx

Round 4....

Well, what can I say, Clomid round 3 was not the success I had hoped for! I am now facing my 3rd Xmas since TTC without the prospect of a baby shaped light at the end of the tunnel.

I started this cycle (and round 4) on 12/12/12 and, based on the last cycle, I should ovulate on New Years Day! Hopefully both good omens! Fingers crossed xx

I finished the tablets for this round yesterday and so will start OPK testing early next week.

The good news is I actually ovulated last month. My progesterone reading from my blood work was apparently good so looks like Clomid is working. The downside is that because we have problems on both sides, even with Clomid this isn't a guaranteed miracle for us.

I had a good chat with the fertility clinic when my cycle ended about whether Clomid is the right path for us considering we both have fertility issues, I was reassured that I can be referred for IVF as soon as I am ready - even if I don't want to finish my last couple of Clomid rounds - but that it was worth continuing for a couple more cycles (as if I was able to conceive it would be easier, both physically and emotionally, than IVF).

I am going to stick with it for now, the Clomid should finish by March so it is not too long to wait. It was also reassuring to find out that if it comes to IVF, the time between referral and starting treatment is only around 8 weeks - much better than the big waiting list I was envisaging.

On the whole I am feeling much better about things and, in a way, I am glad this cycle ended before Xmas so I could enjoy the time off without waiting for AF or a BFP like previous years.

Although that said, hot flushes and party glam are not a good mix...... *runs off to find green correction makeup*

As always, baby dust to all and hope you all have a fab Xmas!

Xx

Positive OPK Yay!

I am so, so sorry for being such a lame blogger recently! The failure of the last cycle hit me hard and to be honest I couldn't face talking about this cycle until now.

So where am I now?

Since my last post I contacted the fertility clinic who agreed I could have 21 day blood tests, but that I need to have them day 24/25 due to my longer cycles. Essentially this will track the hormones in my blood and will indicate if I ovulated, it needs to be done a week after "ovulation" (so a week before my period is due).

Unfortunately days 24 & 25 fall over a weekend so I would have to go for either day 23 or 26. Not yet sure which I will go for and will probably call the clinic again for advice.

I did ask for follicle tracking scans but was refused this. Although some areas offer this from the first round, this area doesn't due to the large number of patients using clomid. Apparently this may be an option on round 5 or 6, although by that point it won't make much difference.

If the blood test doesn't show ovulation has occurred it is likely the clomid dose will be doubled for round 4.

And the good news?

Tonight I got a positive OPK (ovulation predictor kit), although this doesn't guarantee ovulation the line was strong again like in round 1 (round 2 was barely a positive) so I am optimistic.

I have also suffered more symptoms this round, the hot flushes were hell and lasted for a week after I stopped the tablets - which makes me feel like it did something - fingers crossed!

I will keep you posted xxx

:0(

Sorry for not updating in a while life is just crazy busy at the moment.

I started spotting this morning so Clomid round 2 is another failure.

I think this is possibly the lowest I have felt in the last 2 years, I just want to cry at the moment.

I don't like the person I am becoming. I can feel my body subconsciously giving evil looks to pregnant women I pass in the street. I don't want to be bitter but it is really hard.

For months I have been clinging on to my positivity but in the last week I just haven't been able to do this.

Everyone keeps telling me that it will happen for me, whilst I truly appreciate the support, what if they are wrong? There are couples who it never happens for, what if that is us? Those couples probably had friends telling them they were born to be parents too.

I am sorry, this isn't meant to be a pity party, I am just a little bit sad at the moment.

I am going to call the clinic today to talk about options, because I really don't think this latest round did anything.

Talk later xx

A Quick Hello.....

I am still here *waves manically* ......

It has been a crazy week with hosting events at work so I haven't really had a chance to blog. Equally I have not had a chance to dwell on things, so that is good :-)

I have been opk testing all week and think I detected positives on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning. I have had some cramping since then but nothing major.

I am not sure whether I should be concerned as last cycle I had really, really strong positives across a few days and mega cramping. This cycle seems inferior in comparison.

I am supposed to contact the clinic after my third cycle (if no BFP) to arrange blood tracking on my 4th cycle, but I am going to call them today to see if I can have the tracking on my 3rd cycle instead.

If this dose isn't working for me I don't want to waste another cycle.

I will keep you posted!

Baby dust to all xxx

The Big O.......

...... Ovulation!

My days currently centre around waiting for this magical little window of opportunity.

It has reached the point where it feels so perfectly normal to pee on a stick, it actually feels strange when I don't.

That probably means I need help, right?

So far there is no sign of the elusive 2nd dark line but I will, fingers crossed, see this by Wednesday. On Clomid you should ovulate 5-10 days after taking the last pill.

I do have a strange symptom I sometimes get when I am near ovulation. The hormones cause me to have vivid dreams.

Last night I dreamt of being in a dramatic love triangle with two xfactor contestants!

So it is official..... infertility causes craziness. I am totally ready for a rest in a padded cell!

I really hope this cycle works. The drugs are making me feel so unbalanced, I have moments of real happiness but can go from this to feeling like I want to cry in no time.

Surprisingly my mood swings don't seem to be affecting my marriage. It's almost like my hubby knows it's only the drugs, so when I am being grumpy he winds me up to the point where it turns to laughter.

So many couples fall apart before they even reach this point, but we are stronger than ever.

Throwing bucket loads of baby dust at myself and my long term TTCers xxxx

A Quick Update...

I am currently on CD10 and finished my second round of tablets on Friday.

I get to start opk testing from tomorrow and hopefully, if the Clomid has done it's job, should ovulate within the next 5/6 days.

Still going strong with the positive thinking :-)

I have lots of online Clomid friends doing well with this cycle so hopefully BFPs all around!

Baby dust to all xxxxx

Counting My Blessings

I started round 2 of Clomid last night so fingers crossed this month will work! Xx

I have been thinking about things recently and I recognise that sometimes I am so intent and focused on the destination, I don't make time to enjoy the journey.

I have many aspects of my life to be thankful for and there are many people in situations worse than mine.

So I am going to count my blessings...

I am thankful for my amazing husband. He is always there for me and can make me laugh and smile on even the grumpiest of days.

I am thankful for my amazing friends. Each one brings something different to my life, but collectively they support me every day. They pick me up when I am down and celebrate with me when happy things happen.

I am thankful for my mum, she understands like no other and is always there.

I am thankful for my sister, I would be lost without her.

I am thankful for my family, nice home and good job.

I do have a good life and I am going to make each day count! Xx

Gutted

Clomid round one was a complete write off.

It shouldn't be a surprise as I have been cramping all week, but having clung to some hope, seeing "Not Pregnant" on my test felt like a kick in the stomach.

I then promptly started spotting 30 minutes later. Why does that always happen after you have used a very expensive test! Gggrrrrrrr

There have been so many pregnancy announcements this week, I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do what everyone else seems to easily be able to achieve.

I have had a good cry but not going to let this pity party take over. I have a busy day in the charity shop today with my mummy, which will take my mind off things.

I should be able to start round 2 in the next couple of days.

Sending baby dust to all my fellow TCCers xxxx

The TWW....

AKA the Two Week Wait.

I had some very strong positive results from my OPK testing, so I believe I may have ovulated on Friday or Saturday. I had some particularly strong cramping on Friday so I am feeling very optimistic about this first Clomid cycle.

I am now a few days in to the TWW and need to wait until next weekend to see if whether AF arrives or if I have finally conquered that elusive BFP!

I am also enjoying a week off work with my gorgeous hubby, which is taking my mind off things. We have been keeping busy moving things around in our flat and have finally dismantled the old spare room wardrobe, so that it is clear to become a nursery should our longed for BFP finally arrive.

I haven't really got anything else to update you with at the moment, as any long term TTCer will confirm, it is truly a waiting game.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Sending loads of baby dust to my TTC friends xxxx

POAS Addicts

POAS = Pee On A Stick

This is a term used frequently on the various fertility forums. As many long term TTCers will confirm, you spend most of each cycle peeing on sticks. Whether they be OPK (ovulation predictor kit) or HPT (home pregnancy test). It's an addiction!

I dread to think how much money I have spent during the last two years on this strange hobby! :-D

I am currently on CD 18 and for the last week have been waiting for a positive on my opk tests to indicate if I am going to ovulate.

While using Clomid ovulation typically occurs 5-9 days after your last pill. As I took the pills cycle days 4-8 that should put ovulation around cycle days 14-19. Although it can vary from this, particularly as it is my first round.

I had a light/med line on my tests over the weekend but it never reached the required darker line to be a positive. I then had a few days of no line at all, but this morning I had a good medium line so I am going to test again tonight to see if I get a positive :-)

Please keep your fingers crossed xx

Last day of Clomid Round 1

Tonight I will take my last Clomid tablet for this cycle...... Then the fun can begin! :-D yay!

I am not sure how I am feeling, the tablets were not as bad as I expected (although they taste really gross).

The main side effect I have suffered with is the hot sweats during the night. This has made sleeping quite difficult as I having been waking up throughout each night. Hopefully in a day or two this will pass once I have finished the last tablet.

I have felt really hormonal, it's a strange feeling though. At first I felt a bit PMT but usually I get grumpy and miserable (plus eat the contents of the fridge). But this has been different, I have actually been my usual happy self and not at all grumpy, but I have been extremely emotional like I want to cry for no reason.

Yesterday I watched the episode of The Royle Family where nana dies and I was sobbing my heart out. My hubby thought something bad had happened when he got home as I was all puffy eyed! He asked me why I watched something sad if I felt emotional, but I just said I wanted to have a good old cry!

I felt much better afterwards.... Must be the hormones! Lol

I now need to wait 5 days until I can start opk testing to see if I am going to ovulate.... Fingers crossed!

Xxx

Is It Hot In Here......

Last night I took my first ever Clomid tablet and so far so good!

I did wake up a couple of times in the night really hot and sweating and a few times this morning I have been really hot and bothered.

Safe to say I have the common side effect of hot flushes! :-D

I also woke up with a headache. I was surprised how quickly I had side effects, hopefully this means it is doing something.

On to tablet 2 tonight..... xx

A Little Box That Could Change My Life!

Today, after much stress and chasing the hospital, I finally got my Clomid! Yay!

I wanted to have a little cry when the pharmacist finally handed over that little paper bag.

I just know this will be a turning point for us and feeling really positive for the next few months.

It's amazing to think that tiny little box containing 30 miracle making pills could be the difference between me being a mummy or not.

I am nervous of the side effects I may get, but at this point I would honestly go through a whole year of hot flushes, cramps, nausea, headaches, dizziness, blurry vision etc if it makes my dream come true.

Actually, thinking about it, if I do get pregnant I will probably go through nine months of all those symptoms and more anyway! :-D

The doctor has prescribed me 50mg a day to be taken on cycle days 2-6. I am currently on day 4 but have been told I can start it today (it works as long as you start it before day 6).

So first tablet tonight.... eek!

I will report back tomorrow if I have any side effects!

Wish me luck! Xxx

That Monday Feeling.....

I really don't want to face work today :0(

I started my new cycle this morning and have been cramping really badly since yesterday. Apparently it is common to have a really bad AF after a HSG so that is something to look forward to... Not!

On the plus side I will be able to start clomid round 1 this week.... That is if the prescription ever arrives from the hospital!

Feeling grumpy this morning but trying to think positively. I know I am lucky to have the clomid after a long two years of trying but a little part of me is still gutted we couldn't do it without intervention.

Need a big hug from hubby xx

Monday Weigh In

I lost a massive 6 lb! Yay!

A chunk of this would have been water retention from the antibiotics following my HSG (and subsequent infection).

But a great loss all the same!

I made really good food choices this week, week 2 here I come! Xx

One Week Down.....

........ one week to go! Of the two week wait that is. I believe I ovulated last weekend so this time next week I will either be pregnant or about to start my first round of Clomid. For the first time in almost 2 years I am feeling happy about either outcome, because progress is progress :o)

In other news, I have been extremely good on the weight watchers wagon and it's looking like I will have a massive loss when officially weighing in tomorrow. A part of this will be due to water retention from the antibiotics the week before, but I am very pleased with my food choices this week.

Today's menu:
B - toasted muffin with spread and marmite 5 pp (was meant to be an egg muffin but I had a poaching disaster with the last egg in the flat lol)
D - Cumberland pie 9 pp with broccoli and cauliflower.
T - chicken salad wrap 5 pp dairylea dunker 3 pp yogurt 2 pp
S - fruit, ww bar 2 pp

Total 26/26

Xx

That Friday Feeling...

Positive Mental Attitude is on the life menu at the moment!

I am feeling really great about life!

I am back on the wagon and looks like it will be a great loss for Monday's weigh in (yes I know I am not meant to sneak peek! Lol).

We had our great news yesterday regarding finally getting Clomid.

To top this week off it is a long Bank Holiday weekend, so no work for 3 days! Yay!

Life is good xx

On the food menu today...

Breakfast - poached egg and crumpet (5 points)
Lunch - ham salad wrap (4 points), yogurt (2 points) and dairylea dunker (3 points)
Dinner - fishfingers (5 points) mash (4 points) and peas (1 point)
Snacks - apple, mini oranges, ice pop (1 point)
Pudding - sugar free jelly and WW ice cream (1 point)

26/26

Have a great day everyone! X

Great News..... Finally Getting Clomid!!

I am so, so, so happy right now! After almost 2 very emotional years of TTC and countless tests we have finally been approved for Clomid!

I spoke to my fertility nurse this afternoon, who gave me the good news that a prescription will soon be on its way to me!

After putting down the phone I promptly burst into tears! Things are finally falling into place, I am feeling really good about this and hope this will finally give us our longed for BFP!

When we are finally holding a baby Hacker I don't think there will be a more loved or wanted child in the world.

I can't wait to get home and give my hubby a huge kiss! He has been amazing though everything!

I know we can't count our chickens yet and all that jazz, but I am feeling more positive than I have in months so I am just going with the feeling.

Fingers crossed eh?

Xxx

A Little Weight Loss Motivation...

I climbed back on the weight watchers wagon this week :-)

I AM GOING TO BE AT GOAL BY CHRISTMAS EVEN IF I HAVE TO CHOP A LIMB OFF!

Saw this brilliant poem on the community message board so thought I would share it. (not sure who the original author is to credit it).

--------------------------------------------------

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down, and you feel like the biggest failure in town.

When you want to give up just because you gave in, and forget all about being healthy and thin.

So what you went over your points a bit ? It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit !

It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change. It's learning the skills to get back in your range.

It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now; you can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."

It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal. You're still going to make it, just stay in control.

To stumble and fall is not a disgrace, if you summon the will to get back in the race.

But, often the struggler's, when loosing their grip, just throw in the towel and continue to slip.

And learn too late when the damage is done, that the race wasn't over... you still could have won.

Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow, but facing each challenge will help you grow.

Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.

When you're pushed to the brink, just refuse to submit, if you bite it, you write it....But don't you quit.


Happy Wednesday Everyone! Xx

HSG......

After some issues with my last cycle, today I finally had my HSG examination. This is where a dye is injected through your cervix then your womb and fallopian tubes have an xray to check for problems.

This test sounds simple enough, right?

The leaflet I received told me to take painkillers before my appointment as the test can be "uncomfortable" and I can expect some cramping afterwards.

The leaflet was clearly written by someone under the influence of an epidural because it hurt like hell! Either that or it was written by man who did not possess a cervix and who's only experience of pain was a papercut!

I almost passed out and felt like I was going to throw up!

I had been told that everyone has different experiences with this test. It's not just about pain threshold, if you have ever been pregnant or had a coil fitted you would like feel less pain. (either that or I am simply a wuss!)

I don't want to freak out anyone who is waiting to have this test, because you honestly may have a completely different experience. Equally, I do not want to say "HSG? Just a tickle" because then when you have the test you will think I am a big fat liar! Lol

In fairness, while it was painful it was very, very quick and the cramping afterwards was no worse than period pain (and subsided after an hour or so).

The results....

They had encountered some "resistance" to the dye suggesting there was partial blockage. But the dye did eventually push through and the good news is my tubes are no longer blocked. The doctor advised some people can fall pregnant after having the test as the dye clears the tubes - fingers crossed! I am very lucky there wasn't any scar tissue or anything to cause a bigger blockage :-)

Now another waiting game.... We are getting good at this! I have to wait 2 weeks for the results to be "signed off" and put on the system for the fertility dept to review (why the depts can't just talk to each other is beyond me!).

Once they have done this we should hopefully get the green light for clomid! Yay!

I know I am constantly promising to be a better blogger, but the recent waiting game hasn't left much to tell you all. Now things are moving on I will try to update more often!

Xxxx

Must Do Better!

I haven't blogged since turning 30! Yes, it was that bad!..... Just kidding :-D

I have been really manic at work recently and my lifestyle has reflected that. Too many takeaways and crappy emotional eating lead to a 5.5lb gain at weigh in tonight! I hadn't been since 15th May so it could, in all honesty, have been worse!

I am back on the wagon starting tomorrow! I want to get back to my wedding weight by our 2nd anniversary on 17th September. 10lb to go!

On the fertility front, I have booked my HSG xray for 26th July. I will post again about this nearer the time, but essentially it is where they inject a dye into your cervix and then xray you to see whether your tubes are ok etc. Once I get the ok from this test I will be allowed the Clomid! Fingers crossed!

I promise to be a better blogger in future!

Xx

Life At 30

Well it happened, I turned 30 today. A milestone I have been dreading for weeks!

It's not because I think 30 is old, hell these days even 60 isn't seen as old anymore!

It's because I am not where I wanted to be by 30. I have the good job, the lovely home, an amazing husband so I am lucky in so many ways. The thing I wanted most was to be a mummy before I was 30 and it's a really crappy feeling that, despite everything, I haven't been able to make that happen.

I wouldn't even let my hubby buy me a present. I want to save the money so if we ever get there I can have a private scan and professional bump photos.

I have to speak to the fertility clinic this week for an update. Before the bank holiday we were told the second test gave an improved result so the nurse suggested they may try clomid for six months instead of running straight to IVF, but this needs approval from the lead consultant (which is what we are waiting for). He may decide that because of my age, and due to the results only being improved but still below normal, that we should stick with IVF. I will keep you posted.

I wanted to just hibernate today, but I am going to be strong, put on my happy face and enjoy the day xxx

An Article To Relate To...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2102376/Baby-envy-The-new-social-divide.html

Hospital Again

I haven't been blogging very much recently, partly because I haven't had anything new to add, and partly because I have been crazy busy.

Today we have another test at the hospital to confirm the results we were given by the consultant. If the results are the same the fertility team will have a meeting about us to confirm our eligibility for funded IVF and we will then go onto a waiting list for treatment.

The last 21 months have been one long waiting game, which can be hard to deal with at times.

The results we were given at our last appointment pushed me off of my WW wagon and I have really struggled to get back on track for my fit before 30 challenge. I am going to look into joining the gym with my hubby because it will give us something to do together and the healthier we are before IVF the better our chances might be of it working.

I won't know more for a couple of weeks, but I will keep you posted once I know the outcome xxx

The Consultant Appointment

I apologise for the delay in posting an update, it has taken me until now to face writing one.

We met with our consultant last week to discuss our test results and next steps. Having spent most of the last year believing the issues were solely with me, I was shocked to be told there were issues with both of us and that we would be looking at assisted conception - IVF!

I don't even know how I held it together in that appointment but I promptly burst into tears the minute I left. It just wasn't at all what I had anticipated, I thought I would be leaving with a prescription for clomid.

To be able to refer us for IVF they need to retake the last test to double check the result. If it is the same we will then talk to the fertility nurse we saw in January for our case to be put forward for funding approval.

So we are a little in limbo right now, we don't know the current waiting list for IVF so have to wait to talk to the nurse to find out.

It wasn't the worst, we could have been told there was no hope, but it could have been better.

Will keep you posted! Xx

Nerves

The last couple of weeks have been manic with fundraising and then the office move, I haven't really had a chance to think about things. In some ways it has been a welcome distraction but this morning I woke up nervous about our consultant appointment next week.

I know we are finally getting somewhere and I am hopeful we might get some answers, or solutions, but part of me is dreading being told it won't ever happen for us.

I also worry that we will be sent for more invasive tests, and the waiting lists that those entail.

I know I need to stop thinking about it, what will be will be and all that jazz, it's just really hard.

I turn 30 next month, a milestone I didn't think would bother me. I don't feel 30 is old (nor 40 or 50 for that matter), but I do feel my biological clock is ticking so loudly my neighbours will soon be banging on the ceiling telling me to keep the noise down.

I thought I would have lots of babies by the time I turned 30, at this point I would be happy with just one.

6 sleeps to go..... eek!

Xxxxxx

A Little Update...

I have been very naughty and not updated my blog since 6 April! F for effort = must try harder!

This month has been very manic and stressful so far. Last weekend I was fundraising all week for Cancer Research and this week I am co-managing our office move!

I haven't really got anything to say on the fertility front other than I am on CD18 and waiting for our appointment with the consultant on 8 May.

On the fit and 30 challenge, I have now lost 16.5lb and have 11.5lb to go! Not looking massively likely with only 7 weigh ins left but we shall see! I would be very happy to get into my size 12 trousers by my birthday, I can get in my size 12 tops and dresses but my bottom half has alway been more challenging to lose.

A little dull but I promise to be a better blogger once this hell week is over lol xxxx

Oh Crap.... Well That Is That Then....

I had a great day looking after my niece and was in a great mood, only to get home and find I have started spotting.

It is now impossible for us to get pregnant before our consultant appointment and I am gutted.

I know at least I can focus on getting to see the consultant, I am grateful for that much, honestly I am.

But this whole situation just plain sucks!

There are so many pregnancies being announced at the moment and I just can't get over why it isn't happening for us but it happens for others without any apparent effort.

I know there are much worse things that could happen, and people much worse off with illnesses etc. I do count my blessings every day, I just want one of those blessings to be a child.

I am off to watch old Greys Anatomy in bed so I can have a good sob :'o(

Hope everyone is having a great weekend xxx

11 Weeks To Go.....

...... until fit and 30!

I lost another 1lb tonight which is amazing considering I went out on Friday and had a hungover BK on Saturday!

15lb down 13lb to go!

I thought I would share some progress photos. The before one was taken in December, two weeks after starting WW the current photo is from Friday!

:-) xxx

CD 28 - 9 DPO

I am currently on day 28 of my cycle, and based on my theory that I ovulated last Sunday I believe I am 9 DPO.

I have mega sore/full boobs this morning, (not helped by the fact I currently have a sample stuffed down my top on my way to the hospital), I was a little crampy this morning but absolutely not reading anything into symptoms this month!

I really hope AF does not arrive this weekend and I am going to try and not test until it is due to save unnecessary disappointment.

In other news, I had a brill night out on Friday with some friends I have not seen for years.

I had a few blips on my fit before 30 challenge but the scales weren't looking too shocking this morning - hopefully still the case by weigh in tonight! Lol

Xxx

A Quick Update...

I have been a little lazy with my blogging this week, but here is a quick update:

I am on CD 20 and think I ovulated yesterday so the 2WW begins...

A good friend and fellow blogger, Stacey, finally had her longed for baby boy last week! Congratulations! She gives us long term TTCers hope! X

I had a manic weekend battling with Argos over non delivery of my new wardrobes! Big complaint letter heading their way!

The week ended on a high with lunch and a girly afternoon with my little sister :-) xx

Not an amazing week on my fit before 30 challenge, I didn't fit as much exercise in as I hoped due to all the drama - must do better this week!

Xx

Fit Before 30 Update.... My First Stone!

I lost my first stone tonight! Whoop whoop!

This means I am halfway there! One stone down one more to go!

Been really good this last week so need to keep going now!

I now have 12 weeks to lose 14 lb to get to goal before my 30th birthday!

This week I will be upping my exercise - if possible I will try to do something everyday.

I want to restart my 30 day shred but I think I will try to just do a couple of days a week, instead of the daily for 30 days you are meant to do, as it is so exhausting.

I already do zumba once a week but will try to throw in some running as well - eek!

Wish me luck! Xxx

Not Such A Bad Day After All

Well today didn't turn out quite as upsetting as I thought. I had a really great girly afternoon with my mummy and little sister gossiping and watching confessions of a shopaholic.

My sister got me some gorgeous pale yellow tulips to cheer me up, which was so lovely of her :-)

I am so lucky to have good people in my life xx

Tomorrow Is Another Day

This time last year I was disappointed that I was about to go through my first mothers day since starting TTC and wasn't yet pregnant. Roll forward one year and I am about to face my second mothers day with no baby nor pregnancy on the horizon. This sucks.

Tomorrow will be a really hard day for me and countless other mummy-wannabes struggling with fertility issues.

I want to be positive so I am going to spend tomorrow celebrating my mummy!

I can't even describe the amount of support my mummy has given me in the last year. Having struggling to conceive me for years she can understand this like no other can.

Our daily morning chats have kept me sane when times were hard and things not going my way.

I don't always tell her how much I love and appreciate her support but I honestly do.

Love you mummy xxx

P.S if I haven't made you a nanny by next year we will just have to steal one :D xx

Fit Before 30.... Update

I weighed in tonight and was quite pleased that I managed to minimise the damage to a half lb gain.

I have lost 12 lb to date and want to lose 2 stone (28 lb) so 16 lb to go.

So from today I have 13 weeks exactly to lose 16 lb!

I will do this! X

3 Months Until The Big 30!

I have been struggling the last couple of weeks to keep my mind focussed and the scales are reflecting it!

Today I have realised that it is exactly 3 months until I am 30 - eek!

So from now on I need to get my butt in gear and stop letting my emotions dictate my eating!

When I joined WW in December I wanted to get to goal by my birthday, that is still achievable but only if I get back on track and stay there!

I now have 13 weeks left to lose well over a stone! (I won't know the exact number until I see the damage on the scales tomorrow).

Wish me luck! X

CD1.... Definitely This Time!

CD1 has, without a doubt, now arrived!

New cycle, new chance, new attitude...

Xx