The waiting game....

Life is a little strange at the moment, almost like being in limbo. I am currently CD24 and will either have a BFP (big fat positive) or AF (Aunt Flo aka time of the month) by the end of next week. As I am not using ovulation tests on the recommendation of the fertility clinic I do not know for sure. Whilst I do miss the predictability that the tests gave me in terms of when AF was due, I haven't missed the morning dash to pee on a stick or the stress that goes with each result.

Things are good at the moment. I know my appointment is in May, which in a weird way is reassuring because I know if I don't conceive by then treatment will be available.

Because I am putting myself under less pressure I have been able to focus on other things.

I had a very good week on my weight watchers plan, and whilst the scales only showed a 0.5lb loss I successfully beat personal demons to be able to eat vegetables and this was a far more important success! I also have some lovely baggy trousers!

Fingers tightly crossed for the next week xxx

I have not got the mummy part... Can I have the yummy part?

Whilst I wasn't super slim when I got married I was within the normal weight bracket and BMI for my height. My honeymoon and subsequent weeks were responsible for adding a few lbs and making those curves that much bigger! At the time it didn't bother me because I was a happy newlywed and I would be pregnant and bigger soon anyway....

Well those weeks turned into months and before I knew it I had gained almost 1.5 stone and was overweight and unhappy.

Just before Xmas I decided enough was enough and I no longer just wanted to be a mummy..... I wanted to be a yummy mummy!

I joined Weight Watchers with a close friend two weeks before Christmas with a start weight of
11st 7lb and a BMI of 28.5.

I had my 5th week weigh in last night and lost 1.5lb bringing my total loss so far to 8lb! I also achieved my first silver 7 and my 5% goals :-)

I still have a way to go and want to lose another 1.5 stone but I am feeling better in myself.

This morning I did something astonishing and got up at 6.30 to work out!

I am using the 30 day shred DVD - you work out for 20 mins a day for 30 days - doesn't sound like much but man was I sweating at the end of the first session!

I am also joining Zumba next week!

2012 is a new year and is going to be a new me!

Wish me luck!

Xxxx

Initial Tests

I didn't know what to expect when I posted a link to my blog yesterday, but the support I have received has been overwhelming - so thank you xxx

I have had a few emails from others who have faced similar struggles but haven't reached the stage of having tests yet. So I thought it would it would be helpful to talk a little about my experience so far.

It can be really daunting to make the decision to seek help. From experience I found very few people openly discuss having faced fertility issues and there can be a stigma attached to what is often seen as a very private topic. It was only when I started to make comments on my Facebook and started receiving messages from others I began to feel I wasn't alone.

I was lucky in that I had other blogs and online friends to ask questions about the process of getting help and the tests I could potentially need. Being able to ask these questions (and receive honest answers) made it much easier.

My first step was a visit to my GP, I went on my own for the first visit but my husband has attended every other appointment with me. The first visit just involved a general chat with GP about my cycles and how long we had been trying. I have a diary I note my cycles in so we could review my dates etc. From here I was sent for a general blood test and was referred for a pelvic scan to check for cysts and to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with my uterus. The referral took around 6 weeks to come through.

*** TMI warning ***

The scan was an internal one, which I was a little apprehensive about, but actually was not any worse than a smear test. It didn't hurt at all and was over in a few minutes.

I revisited the GP for the results, which came back clear and at this point I was given a referral to see the fertility clinic. For this I was given a letter and was able to book my appointment online. There was an eight week wait for this appointment.

I had my first fertility clinic appointment last week. On arrival I had my weight, height and BMI checked by a nurse - they have to check your BMI as certain treatments will not work if your BMI is over 30 - and then had a meeting with a fertility doctor. Again we reviewed my diary of cycles, test results and generally discussed our situation and history. The original blood test taken did not account for all the readings required so I had a second test whilst at the hospital. We also arranged for my hubby to have his "contribution" tested over the next 2 months.

For those ladies with a partner worrying about this, you take home a bag with a sample pot and letter with a telephone number. You call to make an appointment to drop the sample to the hospital (they only take so many a day). The sample is done at home and must be dropped off at the hospital within 1 hour of being "provided". You don't have to see anyone you just have to make sure your sample is there at the right time.

The doctor advised I would need to come back to see the consultant, who would most likely prescribe clomid at that point to force my body to ovulate regularly. The waiting time for a consultant is 4 months and I have my appointment in May.

The tests so far haven't been particularly invasive or painful, in fact the worst part is the waiting game between appointments.

Hopefully this information might provide some reassurance about the process.

Xxx

From the beginning...

If you are reading this blog then you are possibly someone who has found themselves in a similar situation to me, or you may just be looking to have a little understanding of my situation. Either way I hope this blog helps you as much as it is helping me.

So where do I start and how did I end up here?

I am 29 years old and since my early teens all I have wanted to do with my life is be a mummy. As a naive teenager I had it all planned out... married by 20 and a whole house full of offspring by my mid 20's. I never set out to be in my late 20's by the time I tried to start my family but c'est la vie.

I married my amazing husband in September 2010 and immediately started trying to conceive our first child.

I, again naively, expected by would be pregnant by that first Christmas and as such I started collecting baby books, magazines and even maternity clothes! I also started to become slightly addicted to peeing on a stick, spending a fortune of every kind of ovulation and pregnancy test you can find! I also consulted an internet "physic" who assured me a pregnancy was imminent! But the BFP (Big Fat Positive) never arrived.

By September 2011 the magazines were in the recycling bin and the books and maternity clothes were relegated to the back of the cupboard because the sight of them was a constant cause for tears, bad moods and essentially depression.

At this point we had been trying for a year so it was time to visit the doctor.

Due to my irregular cycles (ranging from 30 to 57 days) I was sent for a blood test and pelvic scan to rule out any cysts, which thankfully came back clear.

I then had to wait 2 months for an initial appointment with the fertility clinic at my local hospital. I had this appointment on Thursday and now I have to wait until 15 May to see the consultant. (I will post about the tests I have had so far in more detail in a separate post)

So the waiting game begins.....

So why blog?

A good friend I met online many years ago (you know who you are) recommended blogging as a way of coping with my emotion and frustration of my journey as it had helped her.

I don't expect to have many followers, if any, but that is okay because this is all for me. To help me get things off my chest and hopefully one day, when I finally get my BFP I can look back and see how far I have come.

If you are still reading this then thank you, it means a lot that you cared enough to finish my massively rambling first post. Going forward I will try to post as many happy posts as sad and I hope you will stay with me for the journey.

Love Shelly xx