IVF Pregnancy - Weeks 23-25 Xmas & New Year!

I am currently enjoying my last couple of days off work before returning on 2nd January.  I really am struggling to get the motivation to return, if I am like this after 9 days off.... what on earth will I be like returning after maternity leave?!  

I have been an extremely busy little bee while off, I have been careful not to overdo things but have tried to do a little bit of nursery stuff every day.  I have painted my bargain preloved eBay chest of drawers white to match the cot and have made lots of progress in painting my tree and animals on the walls. 

There is still lots to do but I am loving every second of getting everything ready for our beautiful daughter. 

I am having lots of movement the last couple of weeks and some issues with heartburn - although I wouldn't change a thing because she is worth all this and more.  She does have a habit of going really high up so she feels like she is in my ribs (either that or she has pushed all my other organs up) - little minx lol 

I saw the midwife today and everything is going well.  I have my consultant scan and appointment on the 17th so hopefully we will be able to see our girl and find out how she is doing in there. 

We had a lovely Xmas at my sister's house, it was really nice to be a part of my niece's first Xmas.  I was surprised, but delighted, that Santa hadn't forgotten Emby - she was spoiled with lots of presents from my family. 

We are having a quiet New Years Eve this year, just planning to snuggle up with hubby and bump in front of the TV. 

2013 has been a rollercoaster ride, but worth every second!  I spent the last three New Years Eves desperately hoping the next year would bring my dream - 2014 is going to be the best year of my life! 

I haven't got any New Year resolutions, other than to try every day to be the most amazing mother to my daughter. To never let myself forget for one moment what a blessing Emby is and how lucky I am.

Wishing everyone an amazing New Year! 

As always, sending love to my TTC sisters.  Always have hope, just because you may be starting the year in a low place doesn't mean you won't finish it on a high.  I hope 2014 will be your year! Xxxx 

IVF Pregnancy Weeks 18 to 22

I am so sorry for the long delay in updating, I have been crazy busy with our house move and getting organised for Xmas.

I am now 22w3d pregnant and loving every second of it.  My only complaint is that it is going way too fast!  Of course I am really excited to meet my daughter, but at the same time, I don't want this pregnancy to go so fast.  I am conscious that this might be the only chance for me to experience this, I don't want it to end.

So what have I been up to? 

I moved house the day of my last blog post and have been busy unpacking and decorating.  It's amazing how much junk we accumulated over 5 years in the flat!  I am loving being in a house, it's so cosy and whilst we haven't gained a lot more floor space, we have a better layout and more usable rooms. 

I started decorating Emby's nursery.  I have chosen an animal theme as per the picture below. The bedding and accessories are from Next but I have painted the walls a very pale mint green.  I am then going to paint the various animals and and big swirly tree on the walls to customise it a bit.  I am trying to do a bit each weekend so I don't over exert myself.  I know it's early to get the room ready, but I wanted to get it sorted out before I am too big to function.  I also want to have the expenditure while I am still working so I am not cutting into my maternity leave money. 

I had my 20w anomaly scan, everything is perfect and she is still apparently a girl! Although she is measuring a week bigger!  Hopefully just a growth spurt.... I hope she isn't a record breaker like that baby in China that weighed well over 13lb recently!  Ouch! 

I am feeling so much movement now!  To start with it was mainly just kicks when I was l laying down at night (or just had lunch) but now she squirms about on and off during the day.  Some days she doesn't move as much but apparently that is normal - babies have lazy days just like us! 

Rick has been able to catch her kicking a few times, but she is sneaky and usually stops once she realises she has an audience.  I think she will be a little minx, she loves to sit on my bladder and make me dash to the loo, only to move as soon as I sit down and then not need to go anymore.  I love her so much it's insane! 

My bump has suddenly grown much bigger, I really look pregnant now.  I hadn't initially gained any weight because I lost some from morning sickness, but now my body is catching up and I had gained about 6lb by week 21.  I am keeping an eye on it because I don't want to gain too much from over eating, a healthy gain is around 1lb a week at this point so I am trying to stay relatively healthy, but at the same time I do give in when my body fancies something because I rarely have any cravings. 

I am looking forward to Xmas, we are going to my sister's this year and I am really looking forward to it, especially as it will be my niece Sophie's first one xx

Some of my TTC sisters are having a tough time at the moment.  I know what you are going through and I am here for you all.  I hope my updates are not too hard for you to see, and that you can find  hope from them.  It won't always be this way, but while it is, you are not alone xxxx baby dust to all xxxx 

IVF Pregnancy - Weeks 14-17

So it's just after 6am and I am wide awake, in a couple of hours we move into our new house and I am too excited (or stressed!) to sleep.  So I though I would reflect on the last few weeks of my pregnancy and post you a long overdue update. 

We are moving into a lovely little 3 bedroom house (well 2, if you don't count the tiny box room that will be the dressing room haha), but the most amazing part is I will get to decorate Emby's nursery! 

I am so excited but can't commit to a theme, I was originally looking at a Dr Seuss theme before I knew she was a girl but now I am undecided.  If I go "girly" I will do something Cath Kidston inspired, but then I worry it will be too grown up and not "fun" enough.... Watch this space! 

This morning I turn 18 weeks pregnant and honestly can't believe how fast it is going!  It is a little scary to think I will be halfway there in just 2 weeks time! 

The sickness has almost completely gone since about 14/15 weeks, I only have odd moments if I smell something strong/bad that makes me feel ill.  I have more energy and not so tired, which is great.  I honestly love every second! 

I had appointments with my consultant and midwife at week 16 - I will be consultant led due to IVF/ICSI so they can keep an eye on the growth of the baby.  I won't have to see anyone again until after Xmas now.  Other than my 20 week scan at the end of the month. 

We have been listening to Emby's heartbeat a lot recently as we have a doppler, it's so reassuring when I have a "worried" day that I can check she is ok. We have also heard her "professionally" at our last two appointments.

As you know we had a private scan to find out Emby was a girl at 16 weeks.  Although it could still change because the scan was early, the lady sounded pretty confident, we shall see if it is confirmed at our 20 week scan before making any big purchases.  We did buy her a couple of tops and a super cute pair of pink converse though!  If it turned out to be a boy at our next scan we would still be over the moon because, with everything we went through to get to this point, we just want a happy and healthy baby to call our own - yes, I am aware this paragraph should have come with a super cliche alert! Haha

Although we haven't made any large gender specific purchases, we did put a deposit down on our travel system.  We went for the Mothercare Xpedior travel system, which at £250 was a bargain!  It is also ideal for us because the buggy seat converts into a pram/carrycot style part rather than having to store two separate attachments (as our house is fairly small).  They also have an interest free plan which allows us to just go in and make little random payments off the cost between now and delivery in March - which is great because we don't have to fork out in one go now for something that won't be used until April.  We went for the apple green colour pack because it was the only colour we both agreed on and would be ok for either gender. 

I am starting to get a "proper" little bump and definitely now showing. To the point that people in shops have asked me how long I have to go - quite reassuring that they aren't now looking at me thinking I got a bit fat!  My bump is harder around the sides with just a tiny bit of my original "jelly belly" left in the middle.  I haven't taken a bump picture this week so will get Rick to take a good one and post it after we have moved. 

I am starting to feel lots of kicks, although still not really regular or strong enough to be felt from outside.  The flutters started about week 15 but the proper kicks only started last week.  They feel much more uncomfortable that I was expecting, not sure why I assumed it would be a lovely gentle contact between me and Emby - the fact it is called "kicking" probably should have warned me haha.  It is amazing to be able to feel her in there and have this special little bond that no one else can feel, like it's a secret between us :) xx

I also have realised I haven't posted about my new niece being born at the start of October! 

Sophie is the most beautiful little baby in the world and I am already totally in love with her!  I am so proud of my little sister for bringing her into the world xx 

It scares me a little that I love her so much already, and she isn't even mine, seriously how in love will I be when my own baby girl arrives?!!  There is already a joke within my family that I won't let anyone visit because I won't want to share the cuddles hehe xx

Rick has been so sweet recently, he kisses my bump and talks to Emby all the time.  He will be such an amazing daddy to our little girl, I just hope her mummy can compare xx

I think that brings us up to date, but will try to post more often once I get this house move done and dusted.

Finally, I want to send some love to some  special friends that haven't had such a positive outcome in their TTC journeys recently.  I am thinking of you all, I know you are facing what seem like impossible times but you are stronger than you know and you will make it though.  "If you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true" xxx

Love to you all xxx 

Gender Testing.... Old Wives Tales & Reveal

Before having our private gender scan I thought it would be fun, although not massively scientific, to have a go at some old wives tales used to determine gender.

I did a little google research to find the different tests you can try and these were the results: 

Baking Soda Test :  

You line the bottom of a cup with baking soda (bicarbonate of soda in the UK) and add some wee to this.  If it stays still it could be a girl, if it fizzes up it means boy!

RESULT : BOY 

Chinese Calendar : 

Used for over 700 years, Chinese gender  charts use the lunar calendar to base their prediction and allegedly are 90% accurate. I used this site to calculate:

http://www.chinesefortunecalendar.com/PredictSex.htm

RESULT : GIRL 

Cabbage Test :

This test involves the PH level of urine.  You chop and boil a red cabbage for 10 mins, drain the water and set aside to cool.  Once cold you mix equal parts water to wee. If it turns red or pink its a boy, if it is purple it's a girl. 

RESULT : GIRL 

Wedding Ring Test :

You tie your wedding ring to some string and suspend it over your bump. If it goes side to side it's a boy, if it circles it's a girl. 

RESULT :  ??  

(I held it and got boy, Rick did it and got girl)

Heartbeat Speed : 

This states that heartbeats under 140 are boy and heartbeats over this are girl. 

RESULT : GIRL over 3 samples 150-160

Heartbeat Sound : 

Like a train = boy

Like a galloping horse = girl

RESULT : BOY (I have been told, personally I can't tell the difference)

Morning Sickness :

If you have loads of sickness it's a girl, hardly any it's a boy.

RESULT : GIRL

Skull Theory :

Based on the shape of the skull seen on the ultrasound. If it is flatter it's a girl, more rounded or bulbous its a boy.

RESULT : GIRL

Nub Theory :

Also known as "the angle of the dangle" - in most ultrasounds you can see a brighter nub shape along by the legs, by using the angle of this in relation to the spine you can guess the gender. If the nub is horizontal or pointing down it's a girl, pointing up at 30 degree angle or more from the spine its a boy. 

RESULT : GIRL

So out of 9 experiments 6 said GIRL, 2 said BOY and 1 was undecided. 

THE ACTUAL RESULT WAS....... 

IVF Pregnancy - The End Of The 1st Trimester

Apologies to all my loyal followers for not posting an update since week 9!  This blogger is typing from the naughty step!  

I have really felt the tiredness and a lack of energy in recent weeks, but now that I am in my 2nd Trimester I hope to regain some of my former energy and will attempt to update more often. 

So what has been happening since week 9?

We officially booked in with our midwife, got ourselves a nice bounty pack (been waiting 3 yrs for one of those hehe) and settled in with the pregnancy symptoms. 

My nausea is almost completely gone, although I still have the odd run to the bathroom moment, at least the constant sick feeling has gone. Not that I complained once about the sickness, I just felt so lucky to even be in that position in the first place. 

We purchased our cot! Very early I know, but the one I had my eye on for ages was in the sale and I couldn't resist! It is a beautiful Mamas & Papas white sleigh style cotbed reduced from £499 to £225 - bargain!  We won't spend a huge amount on the rest of the nursery as I am a massive fan of upcycling and crafting, so will be buying second hand pine furniture and painting it up to match our yet undecided theme.

We also had our 12 week scan, which was completely amazing!  The only bad-ish part was having to hold the full bladder for an extra hour because my midwife had forgotten to discuss downs screening with us and they couldn't proceed until I had spoken to one of their midwives.  It was ok in the end though, I didn't pee on anyone and got to see Emby again.  Although my ultra full bladder did make some of the pictures a bit unclear. Everything was looking good and I was actually measuring 3 days ahead of my dates, although they have stuck with my official dates because they know they are accurate due to the IVF.

I have been spending loads of time with my little sister who is now almost 39 weeks pregnant with my niece.  It's so nice we are doing this together, although she is a good six months ahead of me.  Our babies will be in the same year at school and really close in age, which will be so amazing as they grow up together xx

Officially our next scan is at the end of November, which is when we can find out the gender.  I will be almost 21 weeks then, but we are quite tempted to have a private scan to find out early (you can have this from 16 weeks onwards). 

We are going to be consultant led initially due to the IVF so we have an appointment for this towards the end of October.  I think this is just to see whether we are high risk and need extra care etc. 

I will also have various midwife appointments and have to go for a flu jab in the next couple of weeks.

Everything is going so fast - I can't believe I am already 13 weeks and got our BFP almost 10 weeks ago! 

I will keep you posted, but as always, baby dust to my TTC sisters and love to all for following my journey xxxx

IVF Pregnancy Weeks 8 and 9

Just a little update for you all: 

Week 7-8

I had a "booking in" appointment booked which was a complete disaster as the receptionist only booked a 15 min slot instead of the required hour. The midwife then tried to fob me off with stories of not booking in until 10-12 weeks and the GP should do it - complete rubbish!  She eventually put me on the system but we have to go back to "book in" properly on 17th September once she is back from her holiday (which is also our wedding anniversary).

The sickness really continued this week, but again, this was a good sign things were doing well so I honestly can't complain. 

Weeks 8-9

The sickness started to ease up this week although I still had a few run to the bathroom moments.  I think it is just more manageable now because I have a little routine with food that helps. I have cereal when I get up, then fruit when I get to work, I have a sandwich late morning and then soup at lunchtime, a snack in the afternoon and then my dinner. I am not really eating more than I would I am just spreading it out into little portions. 

I also started to crave marmite sandwiches this week! 

We got the date through for our 12 week scan - 30th September 

I do have a slight bump/podge, which I think is partly due to my ovaries being swollen from the IVF.  I have posted a little pic below taken at 8w2d (sorry for the crap quality).  Once I have a "proper" bump I will get Rick to take better photos to post. 

As usual love and baby dust to all xxx 

IVF Pregnancy - The First Few Weeks

I was a little conscious of posting pregnancy weekly updates until I was sure the scan was ok.  We had this last Friday and so I thought I would do a little update for weeks 4-7 of pregnancy.

Week 4-5

We announced our BFP on Saturday 3rd Aug and the week that followed was insane. I went back to work on the Monday to lots of hugs and love, plus some pretty wicked presents from my amazing girls! I didn't really have sickness as such but was really tired and going to bed at around 9.30 each evening.  I had some twinges and cramping - nothing too concerning but I had to invest in a sleep bra as I had watermelon boobs every morning! 

Weeks 5-6

Nothing major happened this week, the twinges continued a little at the start of the week and by the end of the week I had a little nausea.

Weeks 6-7

The nausea started with a vengeance! I was sick quite a few times at home and work, which wasn't pleasant. But to be honest, even though the symptoms were not nice they were good indicators that things were going in the right direction, so in a way they made me happy. 

We also had our first scan at the fertility clinic on Friday and I measured at exactly 7 weeks, which matched my calculations based on my IVF dates.  My due date is officially 11 April.

The scan was amazing, the baby was just a little blob but it was the most beautiful blob in the world. The heartbeat was a tiny little flicker and was such a wow moment.  I have attached a photo, the big black circle is the sac and the peanut shaped blob to the right (marked by the crosses) is baby Hacker.

I am just so happy right now, it feels more real by the day, after three years of TTC it was bound to take a while to sink in.

I know how fortunate I am that the IVF worked first time for us, and I have so many TTC sisters still battling their own infertility journeys.  I wish each and every one of you that elusive BFP xxxx

I will be 8 weeks on Friday so will aim to post a weekly update each weekend xxx 

The BFP

What a week! 

Most of you will know via Facebook or Instagram that this week something completely and utterly amazing happened.....

..... I finally got my Big Fat Positive! 

I started seeing a faint line on ebay cheap tests last Monday, which was 5 days after my blast transfer (5dp5dt). I was a little overwhelmed but kept it to myself because I wanted to be sure before I told Rick.  I purchased some First Response (FRER) and Clearblue Digitals (CB) which were both showing strong positives and "pregnant 1-2" by Wednesday morning (7dp5dt) so I woke Rick up with the news.  He didn't want to get his hopes up so told me to wait until the weekend to make sure, which was understandable but frustrating when I just wanted to shout it from the rooftops! 

I kept testing all week (which cost me a fortune!) and the FRER lines got stronger and stronger, by Friday (9dp5dt) the CB had gone up to 2-3 so I was pretty confident. 

Friday was also my mum's birthday so I begged Rick to let me tell her, even though our official test date given to us by the hospital was to be Sunday.  

He agreed, so I wrote in her card "love Shelly, Ricky and Baby Hacker". It took a few seconds for her to take it in and then looked at me and said "really??" I nodded and we had a big tearful hug, I then had a massive hug with my sister, which was really emotional. 

I ended up taking my official test on the Saturday morning which immediately came up a strong positive. 

On the Saturday afternoon we visited Rick's parents to give them the good news, which was lovely, before making calls to other family members.

Then came the big Facebook and Instagram announcements.  Within a couple of hours I had so many lovely comments and messages I spent most of the afternoon welling up and being all emotional!  

I have been thoroughly spoilt at work, my girls got me a gorgeous Cath Kidston changing bag, flowers and some mummy to be products.  I am honestly so grateful and overwhelmed by it all xx

Yesterday I made the official calls to the unit and my doctors to advise of my BFP, something I wasn't sure I would ever get to do.

I have a 7 week scanned booked for 23rd August and my midwife booking in appointment is 27th August. 

So I am finally pregnant and going to be a momma!  It is slowly sinking in. 

Rick has been amazing and keeps kissing my tummy and saying hi to "Emby" 

Thank you so much for following my story so far, the journey is not yet over so I hope you will stick with me xx 

The Embryo Transfer

It has taken me a couple of days to get my head around posting an update.

When I posted last Saturday, I had just found out that 12 out of 14 of my eggs had fertilised overnight.  

The embryologist called me on Monday to say they were still doing well so she wanted to let them go to day 5 and transfer them on Wednesday. 

There isn't a standard timeframe for embryo transfers, it literally is a numbers game and depends on the quality of the embryos.  If you have up to 3 embryos they usually will arrange transfer for day 2 or 3 as embryos do better once they are back in their nature environment.  The only benefit of taking the embryos to day 5 is that it will give the embryologist a better look at choosing the strongest embryo to put back, but they only aim for day 5 if you have enough embryos to start with (as some will not survive that far). 

So on Wednesday we went back to Oxford for transfer.  I had to have a full bladder for the procedure as this allows the ultrasound to show the uterus better (apparently a full bladder makes the scan image travel through like a window).  I was a little worried about peeing on them when they did the procedure - apparently this has happened before! Thankfully I didn't though. 

Luckily we didn't have to wait too long to go in. The room is sterile so we weren't allowed to wear shoes, so Rick got to wear some wicked blue shoe covers and looked like something off CSI hehehe.    

Before we started the embryologist came in to talk to me about the embryos.  We had two really strong ones suitable for transfer, but she only recommended transferring one as whilst the chance of pregnancy would increase by 5-10% the risk of twins was too high and lowers the chances of getting to a healthy birth, which is what we are aiming for. We agreed with this so our other strong embryo would go in the freezer for us to use later if we need to - I call this my snow baby. (The other embryos were watched for another 24hrs but were not high enough quality to freeze as they wouldn't survive the thaw process).  

She gave us a 50-55% chance of success, which is really good as the generic average chance we were told at open evening based on our age alone was 42%. 

I had to lay on a standard ultrasound bed that was fitted with stirrups for my legs to go in.  There was three ladies involved in the procedure, one holding the ultrasound probe over my uterus so another could direct a fine catheter through my cervix into the right place using the image on the screen.  The third was getting the embryo ready in a tube that was then put through the catheter.  We were able to see a little white flash on the screen when the embryo went through the tube, once they removed the catheter we could see a little white blob which was the embryo (and liquid they transferred it with) in my uterus.  They flushed the tube to ensure the embryo was not still in it, which was clear.  

It was really amazing and completely overwhelming.  

Afterwards the lady who had completed the transfer sat with me and explained some do's and don'ts - basically only light exercise, no baths, no hot water bottles, eat as if you were already pregnant to avoid the risk of food poisoning etc.  She also gave me an official test date for a couple of weeks time and a test kit.

The test kit is really funny it has a little pipette that you have to drop the pee onto the test with. It is like being back in science class! 

After she left I got dressed and had a little hug with hubby. We were both a bit dazed as all the treatment went so quickly it didn't feel real that we had already got to transfer stage. The thought that I "could" be pregnant was a bit overwhelming. 

So three days later, I have been chilling and enjoying a few days off before going back to work next week.  I am really glad I decided to take the whole week off as, although not physically required, it gave me the headspace to deal with everything without being stressed out at work. 

So now we wait!....... Please send me baby dust! 

I would just like to say I am so grateful for all the support I have revived during my treatment (and last three years). I honestly couldn't have done it without everyone cheering me on.  I know you will all be there no matter which outcome. 

I have made so many TTC friends during this journey so far, some have had their dreams come true already and some are still trying to make it happen.  TTC sisters can understand each other like no one else can and we all deserve it so much.  I really hope it happens for us all xxxxx. 

IVF - Egg Collection & Fertilisation

As you will know, I had my first egg collection yesterday!

It was certainly an experience, but not for the reasons I expected.

I had my collection booked for 11am so had to be at the unit for 10am.  We arrived at about 9.40am and were called in just before 10am. 

I was shown to a little recovery room with a bed (the ones they can move you around in), given a hospital gown to change into and told the doctor would come in shortly to do my consent. 

I changed into the gown and waited literally a minute for the doctor, he sat on the bed with me to check my details and then said to me to sign the form, which basically advised of the very, very rare risk of piercing my bladder or bowel.

Once he had gone the theatre nurse came to take me through to the theatre - I was really surprised as I had anticipated having to wait until 11am and by this point we had only been in the room about 10 mins.

Once in theatre I had to lay on an identical bed to the one from my room and put my legs into padded stirrups which then covered my feet. Almost like wearing padded boots, I am not sure what these were for? Maybe to stop me kicking the doctor once sedated?.

The  anaesthesiologist put a cannula in my hand and I asked him if I would be asleep, he joked and said not to worry he is very liberal with the drugs.  The cannula didn't really hurt, just felt like a blood test. 

Once ready, the nurse knocked on the hatch into the theatre and introduced me to the embryologist who would be dealing with my eggs. They did another data check of my details (they take security very seriously, which is reassuring). 

The anaesthesiologist then put an oxygen mask on me and said he would start with a painkiller that would make me feel lightheaded, while he did that they dimmed the lights. Literally not even 30 seconds later I could feel the drug working, I remember saying wow that works quickly and then nothing.......

....... until I woke up in recovery!

When I came around I asked the guy how long I had been out and he said about 10 mins, I felt like it was only seconds but like I had a really good sleep! 

He checked all my stats and blood pressure etc. He then gave me some tablets to take and a drink (I assume painkillers). He asked me if I wanted a cup of tea, which I did and then wheeled me back to my recovery room. I couldn't believe how quickly I was fully awake after being so deeply sedated. 

I honestly didn't think it would all happen so quickly, it seemed too easy. 

They gave me tea and biscuits, which tasted like the best biscuits ever after not being able to eat all morning. 

Then the nurse came to talk me through the next couple of days and what I should do (rest) and when to take the delightful pessaries. 

She couldn't take the cannula out of my hand until I had been able to walk to the loo and pee. I was able to get dressed and managed that straight away. I didn't really have "pain" as such, just felt really bruised inside. 

Not long after the embryologist came in to tell us we had 14 eggs, which I was delighted with as they had thought 10-11 at my last scan.  Obviously some will not be mature enough to use, she told us usually about 80% are good enough and then they will perform ICSI on them all and watch them overnight to see how many fertilise and would call me the next day.

Not long after this I was allowed to go home.  I felt really good until about 10 mins into the taxi drive to the train station, by which point I was dry heaving and felt really sick.  I was sick twice at the station, once on the train and once in a bush next to the bus stop!  So an eventful and highly embarrassing journey home!  Neither of us drive and I honestly thought I could cope with pain for the train ride, but I didn't count on being so sick.  If we have to do this again I will make sure someone can take us, I honestly didn't think it would be an issue.

When I got home I was sick until about 4pm, I phoned the hospital to check whether this was normal and had to chuck the phone at Rick halfway through the call so I could run to be sick.  As I didn't have any pain or bleeding it was nothing to worry about, simply my reaction to the sedation. 

I managed to eat half a piece of toast and then nap for about an hour. I felt better then so Rick made me some crackers, which I kept down and later some beans on toast. I felt absolutely fine once the sickness stopped. 

Rick was so amazing, he looked after me all day and got me some beautiful flowers and said he was proud of me. It can't have been easy to watch, I love him so much xxx

I woke up at 7am this morning because I was excited for the call, even though they said it would be before 12pm. 

They just called and............12 out of 14 fertilised!

So emotional right now!  They said that all 14 were suitable for use and 12 fertilising is great!

They are going to call me first thing Monday to tell me whether I will go in for transfer the same day or Wednesday. They will make the decision on how many to put back on the day depending on the quality - either 1 or 2.

Xxxxxx 

IVF Days 7-14

Just a quick update, sorry for not posting sooner - hopefully most of you will have seen my updates on Facebook and Instagram. 

The first scan last Wednesday was ok and showed lots of little follicles, unfortunately the second scan on Friday didn't show much change so they had to increase my Gonal F to 150 from 112.5. 

My scans on Monday and yesterday were much improved, so much so that I am going for egg collection tomorrow - eek!

I took my trigger shot last night and didn't have to do any jabs today, which was nice!

Very bloated and uncomfortable, plus a little apprehensive for the collection tomorrow.  They think I may get 10-11 eggs if I am lucky. 

I will post a longer update after collection.

Fingers crossed xxxx 

P.S here is a sneaky pic I took from my last scan as they left the image on the screen when I was getting changed hehe, the back circles are follicles :) xx

IVF The First Few Days

As you know I started IVF (ICSI) short protocol on Friday. I have so far had four injections from my Gonal F pen and two from my Cetrotide "real" syringes. 

It hasn't gone too badly so far and I can now inject quite easily without stressing about it beforehand. 

For the Gonal F injections I wasn't icing my tummy beforehand and they were fine, but I had heard the Cetrotide was horrible to inject so I made sure to ice before doing it.  

It was absolutely fine, I had worried for nothing but I have kept up with the icing for all injections now because it simply makes it easier.

I have put together a photo tutorial for injecting Cetrotide for anyone who is going to do short protocol.  Or for those just a little curious :-)  hopefully the photos will display in the correct order!

The side effects haven't been as bad as I expected so far.  It is hard to tell which are as a result of the drugs and which are because of this hot weather.  I have felt hot and bothered, had headaches for the last two days, bloating on my tummy, hit and miss appetite and just generally felt down and emotional.

I am drinking lots and lots of water as this is recommended to avoid hyper stimulation. 

I have my first scan tomorrow so will update you all then.  Hopefully they will find lots of lovely follicles growing! 

Love to all xx 

IVF - The First Injection....

So it has been a little while since my last post, mainly due to having to wait for the start of a new cycle to begin my first round of short protocol IVF (ICSI).  But also because I wanted to keep my mind on other things while I waited. 

Well my new cycle started yesterday, I called both Oxford and Swindon to "book in" and was given the green light to start. 

Tonight was my first injection of Gonal F, which is a stimulant designed to encourage my body to produce lots of nice big follicles containing eggs.  The injection is in the form of a pen injector, so you only have to put a needle on the end of the pre-filled pen and turn the dial to set the dose. You then inject this into your tummy fat, which luckily I have plenty of, before pressing the button down until the dose has gone in and the dial reads zero. You then count to ten before removing the needle.  

It didn't go too badly, a couple of false starts before I got the nerve to inject - feels totally weird to stab yourself with a needle - but I took a deep breath and went for it. The needle didn't hurt and it was ok until I got to about 4 on my count, then it stung like a bee sting.  It still was ok, better than I expected. 

My tummy feels a bit tingly, but I don't know if that is all in my head because I know I have injected.  

I need to do the same injection every evening until told I am ready for egg collection. 

From Monday I will also add morning injections of Cetrotide, which is a drug to stop my body trying to ovulate and release the eggs before we are ready for them. 

I have to go for my first set of blood tests and scans on Wednesday to see how my  follicles are developing and then further scans every other day until I am ready for collection. 

As things are actually happening now I will try to update as I go.

Thank you for all the support everyone has given so far xxxx 

Change Of Plan....

Yesterday I received a call from the unit in Swindon advising that they want to switch me to short protocol IVF (ICSI).

There are two versions of IVF; long protocol and short protocol.  By default the majority of patients will have long protocol treatment, as I had expected to.

With long protocol you start with the down reg nasal spray on day 21 of your cycle, this effectively puts your body into menopause and stops your natural cycle.  This takes around two weeks, you then combine this with daily stim injections to artificially encourage your body to grow multiple eggs at once. Once the eggs are mature they are surgically collected under sedation and taken to the lab to get jiggy with the sperm sample. (Unless you are having ICSI like us, whereby the sperm is injected into the egg). After 2,3 or 5 days the eggs will be transferred back and you begin the TWW to test. The treatment takes approximately 6 weeks once you start the nasal spray.

Short protocol is just as the name sounds..... shorter.  There is no full down regging on day 21, instead you take two different types of daily injections from day 2 of a natural cycle and egg collection is around 2 weeks later - very quick!   

The reason they have decided short protocol would be more suitable is that I am at a higher risk of ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS) with long protocol.  I was told this is because of my polycystic ovaries (which was news to me as this has never been formally confirmed). At my consent scan they found 28 follicles on one ovary and fifteen on the other, if all matured with long protocol it would be a lot of eggs and with that comes the risk of OHSS. Short protocol doesn't put your body under as much pressure so it is safer.

From what I have read online (was too shocked to ask questions during the call) there would be less eggs generated with short protocol but the quality would be higher.  We would still have ICSI with this version.

The downside is that because they have only just made the decision it is too late for this cycle (already day 4). But they are going to send me the drugs and have me in for "training" in the next couple of weeks ready for the next cycle.  If my cycle arrives at a reasonable time (let's face it Mother Nature loves to be unpredictable with me) then I might even finish the treatment a week before I would have done with long protocol - silver lining and all that jazz :-)

So a little bit of a waiting game now, but quite used to it after all this time (will be three years in Sept!). 

On the plus side I now have over a month to get my weight down and start eating well.

Love to all xxx 

The IVF Diet....

Well this morning I stopped living in denial and braved the scales...... 

Well I am not at my heaviest but I am not far from it! 

But today is a new day!

I can expect to gain between 10-15 lbs during IVF so I want to try and lose a few lbs before I start the drugs.

I am starting my IVF diet today. I want to give this first round my best shot and try to minimise the gain.

Whilst it is not a recognised diet as such, these are a few pointers I found online which are worth trying:

- cut out caffeine

- reduce sugar

- cut out sweeteners

- increase protein

- increase fruit/veg

- no alcohol

- less processed food

- glass of milk or yogurt every day

Sounds pretty obvious when you think about it!

I would like to lose a few lbs before my drugs start in a few weeks, but the aim is to have a healthy round of IVF and give it my best shot.

Wish me luck! Xxx 

The Consent Consultation...

We had our consent consultation with the satellite unit in Swindon last week (Swindon is in partnership with the Oxford Fertility Unit, which allows some of our treatment to be completed locally). 

So it is now all systems go!...

The appointment lasted around 90 mins and involved a baseline scan of my ovaries together with blood tests on us both. We then sat down with the nurse to go through all of the red tape/compliance forms.... all three billion of them!

Most of the forms covered generic information and consenting to the IVF procedures, including accepting the risks and understanding it is not guaranteed to work. But there were also lots of forms regarding our wishes for any embryos should one of us die, which was rather morbid, and whether we were happy to donate eggs/sperm/embryos that aren't suitable for IVF to be used for research. We both agreed we were happy with this, after all, without the research having been put into IVF in the past we wouldn't have had any chance of getting our dream. 

We got to see the nasal spray I will use twice a day for the first part of the process, which is called down regging.  We also got to see the needle I will use for the second stage stim injections, which to my relief, is in a pen format making it easier to inject.  I will get full training for that part once I go back to check I have down regged completely after the nasal spray. 

I now need to wait for my next cycle, I estimate by early June but who knows with my cycles, to call Oxford and book in. At this point I will be sent a schedule of when I need to take each drug and go for scans/blood tests etc. The drug company will also then send me everything I need for my first cycle.

They also confirmed we will be having ICSI instead of standard IVF.  This means they inject the sperm directly into the egg so it's more complex, but hopefully more successful.

It is still a daunting process, but I am excited that this could make our dream a reality.  I am also so lucky to have so much support, so thank you xx

I will update again once I have more information.

As always, baby dust to all and keep those fingers crossed! Xxx 

The IVF Open Evening

As you know, we attended an open evening this week at the Oxford Fertility Unit to start the process of IVF.

It was an overwhelming experience, but a positive one.

I had already done my research on what to expect so the process wasn't a surprise, but the speed at which things will now move forward definitely was!

During the presentation we heard from an IVF nurse and embryologist, which "humanised" the whole process. Up to now I had mainly found info on various forums, so to hear it from the people that may give us our miracle was humbling.

They showed us lots of clips of the eggs and process, which was amazing. It is so clever how they can do this!

We have to go back to the OFU on Tuesday for a test on Rick, this will help them decide whether they will perform IVF or ICSI. ICSI is just a more technical version of IVF, so all my treatment would be the same, but they would inject the sperm into the egg (instead of just putting them both together in a Petri dish).

After this it is simply a waiting game for my next cycle to start. Once it has, I have to contact the fertility unit here in Swindon to make an appointment to "book" in my treatment and get the drugs etc. So very fast indeed!

I am very, very lucky that I am able to do so much of my treatment from here and only have to go to Oxford for the egg collection and transfer.

I am also very blessed that I live in an area that will fund three cycles for me. Some people at the open evening have no funding at all. It's really sad that they will have the added financial pressure to an already daunting situation.

I am hoping my cycle will start in the next couple of weeks, so I will update you more once I go to my planning consultation. (That is a novelty, actually wanting AF to arrive for once!)

In the meantime I have a billion consent forms we need to read through.

I really hope this works xxx

The IVF Referral Letter!!

After stating in my last post that things would likely be quiet on my blog until our referral came through, here we are barely two weeks later because.......

WE GOT OUR REFERRAL DATE! YAY!

To say I was shocked how by quickly it came through would be an understatement. I honestly didn't think I would hear anything until the beginning of the summer!

We have to attend an open evening in Oxford next Wednesday! 7 sleeps to go!

The open evening is a generic information presentation for 25 couples, where we find out all about the process we are about to undertake. IVF isn't for everyone and some couples don't proceed once they know what it involves. To be honest, I am already so well read on the whole thing that I know, without a doubt, I will try it.

At this point I would try anything.

I will find out more on timescales next week but, from what I have read online, you generally see a consultant within a few weeks of the open evening to plan the treatment, which then starts during the next new cycle - eek!

If that is the case, we might start before the summer!

At the moment my head in wrapped up in the clinical facts of IVF. I don't feel like the emotional side of it has hit me yet, it probably won't until I am actually going through with it.

I will, of course, post again after the open evening to let you know how we got on.

I would like to say a ma-hoooo-sive thank you to all of my friends who have sent lovely messages and support me every day. Your positivity lifts me up every time I fall and I couldn't do it without you xxxxx

IVF Referral

Sorry it has taken a while to post this update. In all honesty it has taken me a while to get my head around.

As some of you are aware, this week saw the unsuccessful end of my final Clomid round.

It wasn't a surprise, I knew hadn't ovulated, but I think it took a couple of days for the ramifications to sink in.

So what does this mean for us now?

I have spoken with the fertility clinic who are now processing my IVF referral letter to Oxford. Apparently, it will take a week for the letter to go through typing (modern age eh?), and then I will have to wait for Oxford to respond with a date - no idea how long that will take. Although, apparently treatment starts quite quickly once you get the consultation. Fingers crossed.

I know I need to stay positive, but my brave face feels like it is falling off and I am struggling to stick it back on.

Thank you for all the kind messages and support you have all given.

I will keep you posted with news, once I have any, but will likely be a little quiet on the TTC front until our referral as I think we need a little time out from trying.

As always, love and baby dust to all my TTC friends xxx

My Third Infertile Mother's Day

Mother's Day is one of the hardest days in the year for someone suffering with infertility. Everywhere you look are adverts, promotions, flowers and giant teddies all declaring variations of "world's best mum".

It's really hard to face and almost impossible not to feel a tad bitter about.

As much as you want to spend the day celebrating and thanking your own mum, there is a big void in that you know you haven't achieved that title yourself.

I almost experienced my first Mother's Day card shop rage the other day. I was trying to find a non cheesy card that summed up the amazing support my mum has given me, when, what can only be described as a "skanky" mother (getting a good visual image from that?) started screaming at her brood of kids. They didn't seem to be doing anything significantly wrong, just usual bored kids dragged out on a shopping trip so their "skanky" mother can fill her bags with primark leggings and 20 lambert & butler. (Disclaimer - primark leggings are extraordinary good value). Anyway, back to the screaming... I seriously could have resorted to violence with this woman. Does she not know how lucky she is? And then it hit me, she doesn't.

I am a firm believer in you appreciate the things you had to fight harder to achieve. So I walked away strong in the knowledge that my baby, when I get one, will be so fortunate that it's mummy can appreciate and love him/her on a level that this "skanky" mother could never hope to reach.

My mum is amazing, she can support me like no other, because she understands. I am so lucky to have her and would be lost without her xxx happy Mother's Day mummy xx

Biggest hugs to all my long term TTC friends, you are all so strong and tomorrow is another day xxx


P.S A quick update.... I didn't achieve a positive OPK for this last Clomid round, but I did get some tests last weekend that peaked at medium darkness then faded away over the next couple of days. I am going to work on the basis that AF may be due next weekend, but who knows. Will keep you posted.


Baby dust to all xxxx

Clomid Failure & Vlog #2

Shall we get the bad news out of the way first?

Clomid round 5 failed :-(

It wasn't unexpected, I don't feel like anything happened this cycle, but still disappointing.

Trying very hard to keep the positivity going for this final round, so please keep your fingers crossed and send baby dust my way.

In other news, I have completed my second vlog post :-) I had a good response from my last post and gained a few subscribers, so that is fab!

I will add some standard blog posts for those that aren't interested in the video blog posts. I am aiming to have a mixture of the both going forward.

I start the tablets for my final Clomid round tonight..... roll on the hot flushes!

As usual, baby dust to all xxx

A Brave New World........ Vlogging!

Today I have been very, very brave and recorded my very first vlog!

For those unfamiliar with the jargon, a vlog is a video blog. Essentially a video diary where I talk to my camera instead of typing about my feelings - think big brother diary room.... but without the nice big chair!

I have posted a link to my first vlog below, you will have to forgive me for it being a little rough around the ages, it is surprising how hard it is to appear natural in front of a camera. This was the result following many attempts!

Hopefully it will appear smoother and more confident once I am more experienced at it - although I think it will always be a little strange to be talking to myself!

There is a wide community of infertility vloggers on youtube, I suscribe to many of them so this first vlog was just to introduce myself.  Therefore the content won't be new to most of you, but please subscribe to my channel because I will post more detailed vlogs over the next few months.

There isn't much to update on the TTC front at the moment. Despite the expensive OPK tests, I did not get a positive result so have no idea if I ovulated or not, hence I am not sure when this cycle should end.

I suspect it will some point this week, I am not holding out much hope for a BFP as I am cramping and feel like AF is on the horizon.

I will keep you posted!

As always, baby dust to all xxx

The price of ovulation...

Today is CD17 and I am hoping to ovulate any day now..... the only problem is I ran out of ovulation tests - eek!

I normally bulk buy the test strip ones from Amazon as they are cheaper than branded ones (plus any pee-on-a-stick-addict knows how expensive it can quickly become). I used my last one this morning and thought I had a spare pack but they turned out to be HPT ones..... Queue mad dash to Sainsburys this evening by my gorgeous hubby to restock.

An astronomical £19 later.... I am now the proud owner of 7 clearblue digital OPK tests (the only ones they had). All I can say is I better be seeing a smiley face on that test tomorrow for that price! :-D

I will keep you posted.....

Baby dust to all xxxx

Happy 1st Birthday Blog!

My blog has been going for a whole year yay!

When I started posting it was intended as a form of therapy, allowing me an outlet for how I was feeling about our fertility issues. I honestly never thought so many people would read it and support me. In the past year my blog has received over 3,200 page views - wow! So thank you to everyone who has followed me so far :-)

So where am I now?

Unfortunately, round 4 was a failure and I am currently taking the pills for round 5. It wasn't as hard to take the failure this cycle, as I didn't feel like I had ovulated (plus no positive OPK).

Fingers crossed for this cycle xxx

I only have one more shot after this cycle, otherwise it will be IVF for us. I have mixed feelings on this, one part of me feels it could work for us, the other is terrified of the treatment itself.

I hope Clomid works and it doesn't get that far but with four failed cycles behind me already I am preparing myself for the possibility of it.

I will keep you posted!

Once again, thank you to everyone who has supported me over my year of blogging (and my close to 2.5 years of TTC), I couldn't have gotten this far without you xx

Baby dust to all xxx