My Third Infertile Mother's Day

Mother's Day is one of the hardest days in the year for someone suffering with infertility. Everywhere you look are adverts, promotions, flowers and giant teddies all declaring variations of "world's best mum".

It's really hard to face and almost impossible not to feel a tad bitter about.

As much as you want to spend the day celebrating and thanking your own mum, there is a big void in that you know you haven't achieved that title yourself.

I almost experienced my first Mother's Day card shop rage the other day. I was trying to find a non cheesy card that summed up the amazing support my mum has given me, when, what can only be described as a "skanky" mother (getting a good visual image from that?) started screaming at her brood of kids. They didn't seem to be doing anything significantly wrong, just usual bored kids dragged out on a shopping trip so their "skanky" mother can fill her bags with primark leggings and 20 lambert & butler. (Disclaimer - primark leggings are extraordinary good value). Anyway, back to the screaming... I seriously could have resorted to violence with this woman. Does she not know how lucky she is? And then it hit me, she doesn't.

I am a firm believer in you appreciate the things you had to fight harder to achieve. So I walked away strong in the knowledge that my baby, when I get one, will be so fortunate that it's mummy can appreciate and love him/her on a level that this "skanky" mother could never hope to reach.

My mum is amazing, she can support me like no other, because she understands. I am so lucky to have her and would be lost without her xxx happy Mother's Day mummy xx

Biggest hugs to all my long term TTC friends, you are all so strong and tomorrow is another day xxx


P.S A quick update.... I didn't achieve a positive OPK for this last Clomid round, but I did get some tests last weekend that peaked at medium darkness then faded away over the next couple of days. I am going to work on the basis that AF may be due next weekend, but who knows. Will keep you posted.


Baby dust to all xxxx

Clomid Failure & Vlog #2

Shall we get the bad news out of the way first?

Clomid round 5 failed :-(

It wasn't unexpected, I don't feel like anything happened this cycle, but still disappointing.

Trying very hard to keep the positivity going for this final round, so please keep your fingers crossed and send baby dust my way.

In other news, I have completed my second vlog post :-) I had a good response from my last post and gained a few subscribers, so that is fab!

I will add some standard blog posts for those that aren't interested in the video blog posts. I am aiming to have a mixture of the both going forward.

I start the tablets for my final Clomid round tonight..... roll on the hot flushes!

As usual, baby dust to all xxx

A Brave New World........ Vlogging!

Today I have been very, very brave and recorded my very first vlog!

For those unfamiliar with the jargon, a vlog is a video blog. Essentially a video diary where I talk to my camera instead of typing about my feelings - think big brother diary room.... but without the nice big chair!

I have posted a link to my first vlog below, you will have to forgive me for it being a little rough around the ages, it is surprising how hard it is to appear natural in front of a camera. This was the result following many attempts!

Hopefully it will appear smoother and more confident once I am more experienced at it - although I think it will always be a little strange to be talking to myself!

There is a wide community of infertility vloggers on youtube, I suscribe to many of them so this first vlog was just to introduce myself.  Therefore the content won't be new to most of you, but please subscribe to my channel because I will post more detailed vlogs over the next few months.

There isn't much to update on the TTC front at the moment. Despite the expensive OPK tests, I did not get a positive result so have no idea if I ovulated or not, hence I am not sure when this cycle should end.

I suspect it will some point this week, I am not holding out much hope for a BFP as I am cramping and feel like AF is on the horizon.

I will keep you posted!

As always, baby dust to all xxx

The price of ovulation...

Today is CD17 and I am hoping to ovulate any day now..... the only problem is I ran out of ovulation tests - eek!

I normally bulk buy the test strip ones from Amazon as they are cheaper than branded ones (plus any pee-on-a-stick-addict knows how expensive it can quickly become). I used my last one this morning and thought I had a spare pack but they turned out to be HPT ones..... Queue mad dash to Sainsburys this evening by my gorgeous hubby to restock.

An astronomical £19 later.... I am now the proud owner of 7 clearblue digital OPK tests (the only ones they had). All I can say is I better be seeing a smiley face on that test tomorrow for that price! :-D

I will keep you posted.....

Baby dust to all xxxx

Happy 1st Birthday Blog!

My blog has been going for a whole year yay!

When I started posting it was intended as a form of therapy, allowing me an outlet for how I was feeling about our fertility issues. I honestly never thought so many people would read it and support me. In the past year my blog has received over 3,200 page views - wow! So thank you to everyone who has followed me so far :-)

So where am I now?

Unfortunately, round 4 was a failure and I am currently taking the pills for round 5. It wasn't as hard to take the failure this cycle, as I didn't feel like I had ovulated (plus no positive OPK).

Fingers crossed for this cycle xxx

I only have one more shot after this cycle, otherwise it will be IVF for us. I have mixed feelings on this, one part of me feels it could work for us, the other is terrified of the treatment itself.

I hope Clomid works and it doesn't get that far but with four failed cycles behind me already I am preparing myself for the possibility of it.

I will keep you posted!

Once again, thank you to everyone who has supported me over my year of blogging (and my close to 2.5 years of TTC), I couldn't have gotten this far without you xx

Baby dust to all xxx

The Great Times In 2012!

As this is my last blog post for 2012 I thought I would focus less on the fertility issues we have faced, and more on the great key moments from the year.

Here are a collection of photos I love from 2012!

Thank you to everyone who has read my blog and given me support throughout a challenging year. I love you all and wish you all an amazing 2013!

Extra special New Year baby dust to all xxx

Round 4....

Well, what can I say, Clomid round 3 was not the success I had hoped for! I am now facing my 3rd Xmas since TTC without the prospect of a baby shaped light at the end of the tunnel.

I started this cycle (and round 4) on 12/12/12 and, based on the last cycle, I should ovulate on New Years Day! Hopefully both good omens! Fingers crossed xx

I finished the tablets for this round yesterday and so will start OPK testing early next week.

The good news is I actually ovulated last month. My progesterone reading from my blood work was apparently good so looks like Clomid is working. The downside is that because we have problems on both sides, even with Clomid this isn't a guaranteed miracle for us.

I had a good chat with the fertility clinic when my cycle ended about whether Clomid is the right path for us considering we both have fertility issues, I was reassured that I can be referred for IVF as soon as I am ready - even if I don't want to finish my last couple of Clomid rounds - but that it was worth continuing for a couple more cycles (as if I was able to conceive it would be easier, both physically and emotionally, than IVF).

I am going to stick with it for now, the Clomid should finish by March so it is not too long to wait. It was also reassuring to find out that if it comes to IVF, the time between referral and starting treatment is only around 8 weeks - much better than the big waiting list I was envisaging.

On the whole I am feeling much better about things and, in a way, I am glad this cycle ended before Xmas so I could enjoy the time off without waiting for AF or a BFP like previous years.

Although that said, hot flushes and party glam are not a good mix...... *runs off to find green correction makeup*

As always, baby dust to all and hope you all have a fab Xmas!

Xx