Must Do Better!

I haven't blogged since turning 30! Yes, it was that bad!..... Just kidding :-D

I have been really manic at work recently and my lifestyle has reflected that. Too many takeaways and crappy emotional eating lead to a 5.5lb gain at weigh in tonight! I hadn't been since 15th May so it could, in all honesty, have been worse!

I am back on the wagon starting tomorrow! I want to get back to my wedding weight by our 2nd anniversary on 17th September. 10lb to go!

On the fertility front, I have booked my HSG xray for 26th July. I will post again about this nearer the time, but essentially it is where they inject a dye into your cervix and then xray you to see whether your tubes are ok etc. Once I get the ok from this test I will be allowed the Clomid! Fingers crossed!

I promise to be a better blogger in future!

Xx

Life At 30

Well it happened, I turned 30 today. A milestone I have been dreading for weeks!

It's not because I think 30 is old, hell these days even 60 isn't seen as old anymore!

It's because I am not where I wanted to be by 30. I have the good job, the lovely home, an amazing husband so I am lucky in so many ways. The thing I wanted most was to be a mummy before I was 30 and it's a really crappy feeling that, despite everything, I haven't been able to make that happen.

I wouldn't even let my hubby buy me a present. I want to save the money so if we ever get there I can have a private scan and professional bump photos.

I have to speak to the fertility clinic this week for an update. Before the bank holiday we were told the second test gave an improved result so the nurse suggested they may try clomid for six months instead of running straight to IVF, but this needs approval from the lead consultant (which is what we are waiting for). He may decide that because of my age, and due to the results only being improved but still below normal, that we should stick with IVF. I will keep you posted.

I wanted to just hibernate today, but I am going to be strong, put on my happy face and enjoy the day xxx

An Article To Relate To...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2102376/Baby-envy-The-new-social-divide.html

Hospital Again

I haven't been blogging very much recently, partly because I haven't had anything new to add, and partly because I have been crazy busy.

Today we have another test at the hospital to confirm the results we were given by the consultant. If the results are the same the fertility team will have a meeting about us to confirm our eligibility for funded IVF and we will then go onto a waiting list for treatment.

The last 21 months have been one long waiting game, which can be hard to deal with at times.

The results we were given at our last appointment pushed me off of my WW wagon and I have really struggled to get back on track for my fit before 30 challenge. I am going to look into joining the gym with my hubby because it will give us something to do together and the healthier we are before IVF the better our chances might be of it working.

I won't know more for a couple of weeks, but I will keep you posted once I know the outcome xxx

The Consultant Appointment

I apologise for the delay in posting an update, it has taken me until now to face writing one.

We met with our consultant last week to discuss our test results and next steps. Having spent most of the last year believing the issues were solely with me, I was shocked to be told there were issues with both of us and that we would be looking at assisted conception - IVF!

I don't even know how I held it together in that appointment but I promptly burst into tears the minute I left. It just wasn't at all what I had anticipated, I thought I would be leaving with a prescription for clomid.

To be able to refer us for IVF they need to retake the last test to double check the result. If it is the same we will then talk to the fertility nurse we saw in January for our case to be put forward for funding approval.

So we are a little in limbo right now, we don't know the current waiting list for IVF so have to wait to talk to the nurse to find out.

It wasn't the worst, we could have been told there was no hope, but it could have been better.

Will keep you posted! Xx

Nerves

The last couple of weeks have been manic with fundraising and then the office move, I haven't really had a chance to think about things. In some ways it has been a welcome distraction but this morning I woke up nervous about our consultant appointment next week.

I know we are finally getting somewhere and I am hopeful we might get some answers, or solutions, but part of me is dreading being told it won't ever happen for us.

I also worry that we will be sent for more invasive tests, and the waiting lists that those entail.

I know I need to stop thinking about it, what will be will be and all that jazz, it's just really hard.

I turn 30 next month, a milestone I didn't think would bother me. I don't feel 30 is old (nor 40 or 50 for that matter), but I do feel my biological clock is ticking so loudly my neighbours will soon be banging on the ceiling telling me to keep the noise down.

I thought I would have lots of babies by the time I turned 30, at this point I would be happy with just one.

6 sleeps to go..... eek!

Xxxxxx

A Little Update...

I have been very naughty and not updated my blog since 6 April! F for effort = must try harder!

This month has been very manic and stressful so far. Last weekend I was fundraising all week for Cancer Research and this week I am co-managing our office move!

I haven't really got anything to say on the fertility front other than I am on CD18 and waiting for our appointment with the consultant on 8 May.

On the fit and 30 challenge, I have now lost 16.5lb and have 11.5lb to go! Not looking massively likely with only 7 weigh ins left but we shall see! I would be very happy to get into my size 12 trousers by my birthday, I can get in my size 12 tops and dresses but my bottom half has alway been more challenging to lose.

A little dull but I promise to be a better blogger once this hell week is over lol xxxx