:0(

Sorry for not updating in a while life is just crazy busy at the moment.

I started spotting this morning so Clomid round 2 is another failure.

I think this is possibly the lowest I have felt in the last 2 years, I just want to cry at the moment.

I don't like the person I am becoming. I can feel my body subconsciously giving evil looks to pregnant women I pass in the street. I don't want to be bitter but it is really hard.

For months I have been clinging on to my positivity but in the last week I just haven't been able to do this.

Everyone keeps telling me that it will happen for me, whilst I truly appreciate the support, what if they are wrong? There are couples who it never happens for, what if that is us? Those couples probably had friends telling them they were born to be parents too.

I am sorry, this isn't meant to be a pity party, I am just a little bit sad at the moment.

I am going to call the clinic today to talk about options, because I really don't think this latest round did anything.

Talk later xx

A Quick Hello.....

I am still here *waves manically* ......

It has been a crazy week with hosting events at work so I haven't really had a chance to blog. Equally I have not had a chance to dwell on things, so that is good :-)

I have been opk testing all week and think I detected positives on Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning. I have had some cramping since then but nothing major.

I am not sure whether I should be concerned as last cycle I had really, really strong positives across a few days and mega cramping. This cycle seems inferior in comparison.

I am supposed to contact the clinic after my third cycle (if no BFP) to arrange blood tracking on my 4th cycle, but I am going to call them today to see if I can have the tracking on my 3rd cycle instead.

If this dose isn't working for me I don't want to waste another cycle.

I will keep you posted!

Baby dust to all xxx

The Big O.......

...... Ovulation!

My days currently centre around waiting for this magical little window of opportunity.

It has reached the point where it feels so perfectly normal to pee on a stick, it actually feels strange when I don't.

That probably means I need help, right?

So far there is no sign of the elusive 2nd dark line but I will, fingers crossed, see this by Wednesday. On Clomid you should ovulate 5-10 days after taking the last pill.

I do have a strange symptom I sometimes get when I am near ovulation. The hormones cause me to have vivid dreams.

Last night I dreamt of being in a dramatic love triangle with two xfactor contestants!

So it is official..... infertility causes craziness. I am totally ready for a rest in a padded cell!

I really hope this cycle works. The drugs are making me feel so unbalanced, I have moments of real happiness but can go from this to feeling like I want to cry in no time.

Surprisingly my mood swings don't seem to be affecting my marriage. It's almost like my hubby knows it's only the drugs, so when I am being grumpy he winds me up to the point where it turns to laughter.

So many couples fall apart before they even reach this point, but we are stronger than ever.

Throwing bucket loads of baby dust at myself and my long term TTCers xxxx

A Quick Update...

I am currently on CD10 and finished my second round of tablets on Friday.

I get to start opk testing from tomorrow and hopefully, if the Clomid has done it's job, should ovulate within the next 5/6 days.

Still going strong with the positive thinking :-)

I have lots of online Clomid friends doing well with this cycle so hopefully BFPs all around!

Baby dust to all xxxxx

Counting My Blessings

I started round 2 of Clomid last night so fingers crossed this month will work! Xx

I have been thinking about things recently and I recognise that sometimes I am so intent and focused on the destination, I don't make time to enjoy the journey.

I have many aspects of my life to be thankful for and there are many people in situations worse than mine.

So I am going to count my blessings...

I am thankful for my amazing husband. He is always there for me and can make me laugh and smile on even the grumpiest of days.

I am thankful for my amazing friends. Each one brings something different to my life, but collectively they support me every day. They pick me up when I am down and celebrate with me when happy things happen.

I am thankful for my mum, she understands like no other and is always there.

I am thankful for my sister, I would be lost without her.

I am thankful for my family, nice home and good job.

I do have a good life and I am going to make each day count! Xx

Gutted

Clomid round one was a complete write off.

It shouldn't be a surprise as I have been cramping all week, but having clung to some hope, seeing "Not Pregnant" on my test felt like a kick in the stomach.

I then promptly started spotting 30 minutes later. Why does that always happen after you have used a very expensive test! Gggrrrrrrr

There have been so many pregnancy announcements this week, I feel like a complete failure for not being able to do what everyone else seems to easily be able to achieve.

I have had a good cry but not going to let this pity party take over. I have a busy day in the charity shop today with my mummy, which will take my mind off things.

I should be able to start round 2 in the next couple of days.

Sending baby dust to all my fellow TCCers xxxx

The TWW....

AKA the Two Week Wait.

I had some very strong positive results from my OPK testing, so I believe I may have ovulated on Friday or Saturday. I had some particularly strong cramping on Friday so I am feeling very optimistic about this first Clomid cycle.

I am now a few days in to the TWW and need to wait until next weekend to see if whether AF arrives or if I have finally conquered that elusive BFP!

I am also enjoying a week off work with my gorgeous hubby, which is taking my mind off things. We have been keeping busy moving things around in our flat and have finally dismantled the old spare room wardrobe, so that it is clear to become a nursery should our longed for BFP finally arrive.

I haven't really got anything else to update you with at the moment, as any long term TTCer will confirm, it is truly a waiting game.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Sending loads of baby dust to my TTC friends xxxx